What to do when you don’t know what to do.
School life is over, what now! You made it through your exams, and you can now kick back and relax for a while. Except there’s this little niggle that keeps intruding on your much-deserved time out. You have to decide what you are going to do now. People, okay everyone is asking you what you are going to do. Are you going to Uni? Are you going to travel first? What do you want to be when you grow up? You may have done a bit of career planning and gotten a feel for a few areas that you are suited for, but nothing is really grabbing you. There are no definite ‘YES’ moments happening here. What if you get it wrong?
So, lets sort this out.
First and most importantly take the pressure off.
Whatever you decide, it isn’t a life sentence. You can and most probably will change your mind. The problem starts when we try to work it all out in our head before we even begin. We want to know how it will unfold step by step with a happy ending of course. Life is not like that, movie scripts are like that, not your life. This is how life is. Well according to me anyway lol. We get some ideas, inspiration and limited information. Then we make a decision and take action. We step into the unknown and receive even more information from the experiences we have (some good, some not so good). This enables us to adjust and keep moving into this area of life more, or abort mission and take any lessons we’ve learnt into the next experience.
Wouldn’t that be nice if it were that easy?
The reason it is not that easy is that we attach judgements to this very normal process. We attach personal judgements like; I failed again, I’m not good at anything, I can’t do that, it shouldn’t be this easy, I need to struggle for years first don’t I? I must keep doing this because I started it, and my favourite, I’ll just do nothing and hope it all just magically sorts itself out while I eat another packet of Tim Tams and stay in bed.
Then there are other people. What will everyone think? The whole 7 billion people in the world are thinking about you of course and not their own issues. Don’t worry they’ll tell you. You’ll get advice either to your face or behind your back and probably both. We all have an opinion about what other people should do, yes even you and me. Simply put, don’t listen to other people. Resist resist, resist, asking other people what you should do. No, they don’t know better about what you should do with your life. If you think about it, it’s not even fair to hand over your responsibility to them so you can blame them later if it doesn’t work out. The only time when it’s a good idea to discuss your plans is when it is with someone who can simply be a sounding board. This allows you to hear what you are saying and arguing for. This other person is not there to advise you what to do, but to challenge you and ask questions. Treasure this person in your life. If you don’t have such a person you can always seek a professional life coach or career advisor.
If you really want to do something like travel, have a family or a take a different path in life and you are holding back because of what other people might say or fear of failure… You know what to do, you just need to find the courage. The funny thing is that when you find the courage and take action, even small actions, you will find yourself propelled forward in ways you could never even imagine. Fear holds us back from life while passion and positivity allow us to flow forward.
If you don’t know what to do - Get practical.
Do you need money right now? If you do, then work out what the minimum amount is per week that you need to get by. Then go looking for a job to fill the gap. This job doesn’t have to solve all your problems and it doesn’t identify you for life in this role. It doesn’t have to be related to what you think you might like to do for the rest of your life. It doesn’t have to be the perfect job. It’s only temporary. It should provide an income and get you out into the world while leaving you time and energy to work on something else when inspiration strikes. Even better if it is something you enjoy. Aim a bit higher than you think you will get.
What about Uni or TAFE?
Time is ticking and you feel the pressure to decide. This is an easy one. REALLY! If you need the degree / qualification to get the career you really want to be in then you know you will have to get the qualification. If you want to have a professional career with a University education, then yes you will have to enrol in something. The University can help you decide which stream is the best fit for now. TAFE and community colleges also offer many choices. One type of education is not necessarily better than the other, it all depends on the best fit for you. Again, this is not a life sentence. Educating yourself is always a good idea. It doesn’t have to be formal education. You can also choose an array of different types and join them together. The trick is to educate yourself in areas that interest you regardless of the qualification. If it’s not an area you feel inspired to learn about then you probably won’t do well in it anyway and this will affect your confidence. You can always get qualified at a later stage if you need it to get where you want to go. People often do much better at Uni after they have had some life experience. Learning new things should be fun and lifelong.
However if you are thinking of doing a course or going to Uni because it seems like a good idea, it would be nice to have a qualification, you achieved a good result in your exams and don’t want to waste it, other people think you should, all your friends are going, you don’t know what else to do, you think you should, but your heart isn’t in it, or you fear if you don’t do it now you never will, then don’t do it. Find the courage to stand up for yourself. Uni is a huge investment in time, money and energy that you could be putting into something else that you discover you really want to do. Having qualifications in areas you won’t use won’t help you much.
How do you find out what you want to do then?
The answer won’t come to you while you are worrying or stressing. Trying to force it to come won’t work either. Stressing doesn’t help with many things. Okay, it’s not helpful at all. Answers come to us when we are centred and feeling good. Do things you like to do and drop the guilt. Let it go, let it go, let it go. Admit it you just sang that, didn’t you. Do things that make you feel happy, relaxed, excited, interested, confident and alive. Don’t try to relate these to any job or career choice. Just go with the flow and make an effort for yourself. I mean it. Making yourself happy should become your number one priority every day. It’s your responsibility, no one else’s, not even your partner, to make yourself happy. If you don’t know how then read up on it. P.S I wrote a little book on it called, ‘Doing The Happy Thing.’
Meditate without an agenda. There are lots of free APPs etc to show you how. This helps to clear your mind of all that clutter and unhelpful self-talk. Daydream every day of how you want to live your life. Have fun with this trying on different roles and ideas. Act as if you are on the right path because you are. Don’t take any major steps until you feel inspired to do so. Allow yourself the time and space to adjust, grow and be happy. It’s okay not to know what to do. It’s a normal part of the process. From this place, the ideas that come to you will move you in the direction you want to go and not be based in fear.
When you do get an idea, research it a bit but don’t try to work it all out at once. So many good ideas never evolve because we can’t see all the steps that would make it happen, so we don’t bother trying. Don’t tell anyone. (Read the first few paragraphs again.) Just open yourself to it and take an action towards it if it feels good. Other ideas will then flow around it.
One of the most helpful things you can get your head around is -There is no right way or best thing to do. There is no final destination. It’s about the process. Enjoy the process because its going to happen again and again and again in your life. Welcome to adulthood.
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